Hot and bothered woman resists punching any bastard in the face

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A hot and bothered woman has managed to resist punching any bastard in the face.

Clare TurboTits has been close to twatting several people in the face since the start of the heatwave.

She told WalesOnCraic:

“It’s this heat. I got up out of bed last night for a slash and tripped over the dog. I nearly punched him in the face. Why would he lie directly in my path to the toilet? What a stupid bloody dog. Then I go to get my train this morning and there’s some thick bastard trying to work the ticket machine while I wait in 1,000 degrees of sun. I very nearly twatted them across the back of the head with my handbag. I get on the train and there’s an overweight man who has decided not to wash so I have to sit there for 5 hours in 2,000 degrees of heat breathing in his armpit odours. I get to work and my first customer is a total arsehole. She very nearly got a smack in the face.”

Doctors have urged people not to punch people.

“Heatwaves cause all kinds of emotions to run high. And if you don’t stop asking me for quotes, I’m going to knee you in the nuts.”