The Welsh Assembly Government is to spend £3bn on teaching hedgehogs road safety awareness.
Hedgehogs will be visited in their homes by the Green Cross Code man who will show them how to cross roads safely.
A spokesman for the Welsh government said:
“I’m sick of driving to work every morning from my very large mansion and seeing very wide yet very flat hedgehogs. I’ve taken it upon myself to introduce this new bill so that I don’t have to look at run over hedgehogs on my way to work once a month. £3 billion of tax payer money will be spent on educating the little critters about the importance of the Green Cross Code. We asked Dave Prowse to come along and help but he said that he’s got lots more important things to do like watch telly. We will therefore be looking to employ 30,000 new Green Cross Code men who will visit hedgehogs in their homes wherever they are, and to teach them the basics. Hopefully, by the time I next go to work at Christmas, there will be no dead hedgehogs on my road.”
One hedgehog was critical of the new plans. He told WalesOnCraic:
“It’s not education we need. We know that roads are dangerous. It’s just our legs are too frigging short to get us anywhere quick. As soon as Jonny Boy Racer comes hurtling round the corner at 90mph in his Vauxhall Corsa, it’s a game of Russian Roulette.”