Welsh cakes forced to change name to Bognor Cakes

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The humble Welsh Cake has joined the elite ranks of champagne, Parma ham, Welsh lamb and the Pembrokeshire Early Potato.

The famous Welsh Cake…. As the Bognor Regis Cake has been awarded Protected Geographical Indication (PGI) status by the European Commission. But instead of being called a Welsh cake, it has to be now named the Bognor Cake.

It was when EU officials did the research into the request from the Welsh Assembly to grant Protection to the Welsh delicacy did they find an ancient document supplied by Bognor Town Council, who were objecting to this proposal.

Ethel Unsteadylegs, the Town Clerk of Bognor Town Council said:

“For centuries, we’ve just sat back and let the Taffs think they are the inventors of the so called ‘Welsh Cake’. But we have the charter from William I in 1074, giving us the patent to the Bognor Cake. The charter is deposited in our office safe. It seems the Welsh Cake came about when the Prince of Wales in 1426 took some Bognor Cakes to Wales and introduced them to the Earl of Harlech. He got the recipe out of the Prince when he was somewhat pissed and the next thing, he was selling them from his ‘Ye Olde Harlech Market Stall’. It was from there, that their fame spread across Wales.”

Ethel Unsteadylegs went on to say:

“Bognor has its annual Bognor Cake eating competition when competitors have to cook and eat 12 Bognor cakes to a set recipe. The one to cook and eat all 12 becomes King or Queen of Bognor, for a year.”

Gethin Shaven-Pubes, a spokesman for the Welsh Assembly said:

“We were horrified when the facts came out. We have seen the original charter for the ‘Bognor Cake’ and we are now being threatened with legal action by Bognor Town Council to recognise the correct name, and for an apology from First Minister Carwyn Jones, on behalf of the people of Wales. The First Minister is literally bricking it. If he had been constipated, it would now be cured.”

WalesOnCraic did a straw poll on the streets of Bangor. We were going to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysiliogogogoch, but we couldn’t spell it, to put it into the sat nav.

Nerys Thomas-Thomas of Bangor told WalesOnCraic:

“I’m buggered if I’m going to start calling them Bognor Cakes. Bugger Bognor.”

Gethin Shaven-Pubes ended by telling WalesOnCraic:

“The First Minister is waiting for a day to make the announcement, when it can be buried with the other news, like when we leave the EU and the economy goes over the cliff, or when Putin fires nuclear missiles at the UK. The latter is not likely in the near future, so I guess it will be made public when the UK leaves the UK and the UK resembles the Zimbabwean economy. On the upside, Bognor Town Council isn’t suing for centuries of lost royalties. But it’s going to take some getting used to, in calling them Bognor Cakes.”