Wales celebrates English Queen’s 90th birthday by not giving a shit

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Wales will be celebrating the Queen of England’s birthday today by not giving one single shit.

Workers have been told to go to work as usual while those in England will be up partying and getting twatted until the small hours.

Dafydd ap Dafydd, leader of the Welsh Things Society, told WalesOnCraic:

“The Queen, as lovely as she is, has no place in Welsh society. She is part of an empire that has crushed and oppressed many countries worldwide. We will not be celebrating her 90th birthday. But she can come and open our jumble sale next week if she wants to though. We’re looking for a high-profile celebrity now that Rolf Harris has been locked away.”

One woman did confess to raising a glass to M’am:

“To be honest, I do like the Queen. She does a lot for this country – things like walking around, waving her hand about and opening fêtes and that. We’ve got no one else to do that kind of thing and I would also like a day off please. A 90th birthday is a great excuse for the entire street to get pissed up innit?”