Prince Charles celebrates 70th birthday by getting shit-faced and eating slutty kebabs

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Prince Charles is celebrating his birthday today by getting shit-faced and eating slutty kebabs.

The Prince of Wales has said that he intends seeing out his night by visiting Chippy Lane in Cardiff.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“One wants to get completely orf one’s tits tonight. It’s not very often that one reaches 70 years old and before one gets too over the hill, one wants to get completely shit-faced. One also fancies stuffing one’s face with slutty kebabs and waking up tomorrow with one hell of a hangover and hopefully some Valleys tart that’s up for some princely fun. One wants to see out the night in the Welsh capital and one hears that Chippy Lane is the place to go. Therefore, one will be requesting a royal helicopter to take one from wherever one is, to wherever one wants to go. One is the Prince of Wales and one can do whatever one wants.”

A spokeswoman for Highgrove House said:

“I’ve got no idea what he’s doing. He was smacked up to his tits by 5pm so I can’t see this ending well.”