It started off so well. In a bid to silence his right-wing anti-EU backbenchers once and for all, Prime Minister David Cameron took the rare decision to offer the people of the UK a referendum. They were asked whether they wanted to remain in the European Union or to leave. Confident that the people would deliver what Cameron wanted, he put it to the public vote. And in June 2016, the people of the UK spoke. Then it all went to shit.
Here’s what we know so far:
> The price of Freddos has remained volatile with experts predicting that the public could see a 5p increase over the next 10 years
> Politicians keep wanting to punch each other in the face
> David Cameron flew to France following the referendum result and now lives in a pig farm
> Two Brexit ministers have resigned in the last two years
> Andrew Marr has so many questions to ask, he’s doesn’t know his arsehole from his elbow
> The UK will be paying the EU £39bn for no reason whatsoever> The Irish have no idea what’s going on
> Nigel Farage’s teeth could be deported for not being white enough
> Theresa May can’t dance
> Boris Johnson is living in a drey in a forest with some squirrels
> No one knows what the fuck is going on
> Brexiteers are still hoping to get bendy bananas
> All UK subjects living in the EU will have to move back to the UK or become citizens of the country that they are currently living in
> A 20ft high wall will be built between Wales and England to keep Welsh sheep out of England
> Donald Trump thinks that Brexit is a good thing
> Jeremy Corbyn needs a new coat
> Dominic Raab and Esther McVey are to get new jobs at Trago Mills in Merthyr
That’s all we know for now. We’re going for a lie down in a dark room.
