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Learner drivers to f*ck up UK motorways from 2018

Leaner drivers will be able to f*ck up UK motorways from 2018, the Government has announced.

Learners will be expected to practice emergency braking, recovering from stalls and drift into any old lane they want from next year.

A spokesman for the Government said:

“Motorway users have got away with it so long. Traditionally, it’s been the plight of the poor old urban motorist who has to put up with learner drivers. We thought that we should make things fairer so from next year, learner drivers can wander straight onto the motorway and cause chaos. We think that that is the only way that learner drivers can learn.”

The Government has also issued advice for learner drivers who have passed their test and are venturing onto the motorway for the first time:

1. Keep calm. If an arsehole comes flying up your arsehole, that arsehole is probably a BMW driver. And he’s an arsehole.
2. Stick to the speed limit. You’ll see arseholes driving at 100mph. Usually in a BMW. These people usually end up wrapped around the central barrier. Stick to 70mph.
3. Indicate when you pull into a different lane. If you see a BMW driver flying up behind you to overtake you at 150mph, indicate to pull into his lane just before he passes you.

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