Category: Sport

Staff at the Principality Stadium are to tilt the pitch up to 45° this Saturday so that the visiting English team have to play uphill for the entire match.

Staff discovered the secret button while cleaning the newly-installed pitch last week. Head groundsman Gordon Grunt told WalesOnCraic:

“We had our reservations about this new pitch but when the contractors installed the pitch last year, they added a tilt feature so that they could clean underneath the it. They’ve obviously forgotten to uninstall the feature so we’re going to be using it our advantage. If the English start moaning about the roof like the Irish did, they can carry on. We’ll be tilting the pitch up against them for the first half and then the other way after half time.”

Fans have welcomed the move, especially since England will be arriving with their tails up. Bryn Thundergut said:

“Oh aye there butt innit?”

Equally, English fans have been outraged to hear the news. English fan Tarquin Smythe-Peacock said:

“It’s a jolly outrage.”

An American woman has accepted $3 million in return for being twatted in the face.

Ronda Rousey took several twattings to the chops in exchange for the large sum of money.

She told WalesOnCraic:

“They sat me down and offered me a shit load of money if I was able to get smacked in the mouth. I thought about it for a while but then I said yes. They put me in this cage thing with this mad Brazilian woman. I wasn’t scared because I can usually handle myself. I thought I’d sneak in a few punches myself but before I knew it, I was getting twatted left, right and centre. I didn’t know what day it was. Next thing I knew, I was on my way out of the cage to pick up my cheque. It was a large cheque, like the ones that used to get handed to Terry Wogan during broadcasts of Children in Need.”

Rousey’s manager said:

“She did well. We can all go home now and buy ourselves some posh cars.”