Weather: Sunday 3rd November

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A lovely day for most of us by the time we’ve dragged our lazy arses out of bed. Cloud will thicken up throughout the day as rainy spells push into Wales. There will be some heavy downpours so watch out if you’re walking around in a tight white Tshirt. A maximum temperature of 12°C.

Down on the farm, we were all saddened to see England crash out of the World Cup Final. Farmer Honey was in tears and Mrs Honey had to go and phone the Samaritans. The entire farm was crest-fallen. That, of course, is the biggest load of hairy bollocks I’ve ever written.