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Weather Wednesday 23rd January

Be careful not to slip on your arse first thing in the morning as it’ll be very frosty and icy. The good thing is that it will be sunny at least and will remain like this for most of the day apart from in the west where there is the chance of a shower. Feeling nipply. Maximum temperature of 6°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey has made an official complaint about Farmer Giles who lives on the farm next door. It seems his cows have been mooing a bit too loudly lately and it’s putting Mrs Honey off her daytime TV. She’s written to the local MP and asked them to go round to Farmer Giles’s farm and tell the cows to shut the eff up. She’s awaiting a reply.


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Weather Friday 18th January

A cold, nipply start for most but rain will spread slowly eastwards across the country which will turn to snow on higher ground. Sunshine will follow behind although there will be a few isolated showers over in the west. Maximum temperature 7°C.

Down on the farm, we had a cold night last night. Temperatures dropped on the farm, so we call cwtched up in the barn. Sadly, Dai Llama thought it would be a good opportunity for a grope so he was there getting a trottersful of futtocks. He was chucked out later in the night.


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Weather Warning: Thursday 17th January – icy as f*ck

A frosty start to the day with icy patches all over the shop. Wintry showers will continue in the west but for the rest of us, it’ll be a shiny, sunny but cold day. Maximum temperature 6°C.

Down on the farm, we’ve all cwtched up in the barn and getting an early night. The cold weather does have its benefits – we can put our cans of Skol outside the door instead of having to go all the way to the fridge and we can hang our donkey jackets on Dolly’s cold chapel pegs.

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Weather Wednesday 16th January

Much moistness to start the day with a band of heavy, pissy rain moving across the country to start with. As it moves away, colder and brighter weather will move in behind it. A few showers can bubble up later, possibly as wintry showers up on the hills. Maximum temperature 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey were delighted with the Wales team selection for this year’s Six Nations. They’ve already written to John Inverdale to ask if he can mention the Wales games during his commentary this year. They’re not expecting a reply.

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Weather Tuesday 15th January

Another dreary day with grey clouds and drizzle set to continue throughout the day. There will be outbreaks of some sunny spells, especially over in the east. Maximum temperature 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey are preparing for the expected cold weather by stocking up on tea, milk and biscuits. They’ve also decided that they’ll be keeping each other warm in bed by cwtching up but Mrs Honey has warned Farmer Honey that this doesn’t mean he can go sneaking a grope or trying anything funny. She has a frying pan ready next to the bed to twat him with should he get above his station.

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Weather Monday 14th January

Some sunny spells forecast to brighten up your shitty Monday morning. There is the odd chance of rain, especially later on in the day but by then, you’ll hopefully be home and dry and watching Coronation Street. Maximum temperature of 9°C.

Down on the farm, we’ve decided to put on a panto next month here in the barn. The girls have spent all day deciding which one to do and they’ll be spending all day tomorrow who plays who. Hopefully by April, we’ll start rehearsals. One thing’s for sure though – I’m NOT dressing up as a woman. I do that enough on the weekends.


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Weather Sunday 13th January

light rain

Moist moistness is the order of the day, to start with anyway. Patchy rain will feature throughout the day with perhaps the odd chance of brightness later on. Feeling mild. Maximum temperature 12°C.

Down on the farm, I’ve been studying the charts for the next few weeks ahead and the weather patterns are looking remarkably similar to the ones that we had this time last year. There is the possibility that we could be looking at another Beast from the East towards the end of January. The long-range forecast suggests that temperatures will drop the week after next so I’m going to have to get Dolly to sit on my face to keep me warm. I’d better warn her.


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Weather Saturday 12th January

light rain

A moist start to the day for some while weatherwise, things will be a bit damp to start off. Some rain is possible as well as some brighter spells but wind featuring for most of us in Wales. Maximum temperature 11°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey spent most of the afternoon in A&E after catching his bollocks on the gearstick of his tractor. So he says. He also says that doctors have advised Mrs Honey to tend to them for the next two weeks with love and affection.