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Weather: Tuesday 25th June

Any heavy rain first thing will clear away, leaving a drier and sunnier day for most of us. Feeling very humid and warm. Maximum temperature of 25°C.

Down on the farm, we’re all getting ready for the forthcoming heatwave by getting naked. Farmer Honey’s going to fill one of his trailers with water to create a mobile swimming pool for us. Then we’re all going to go skinny-dipping and who knows what when we get back to the barn, hot and sweaty.

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Weather: Friday 21st June

Seeing as it’s Friday, I’ve booked you all in for a lovely day with wall-to-wall sunshine and light winds. No need to thank me. Maximum temperature of 19°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s putting the music festival on hold for the weekend so that he can get pissed. It’s been a few weeks since he got sloshed and is still recovering from the last time he had too many beers and ended up sleeping in the barn. What went on that night will remain a secret as long as he keeps up the regular payments.

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Weather: Thursday 20th June

Sunny spells and scattered showers are the order of the day. Some of the showers will be heavy and there’ll be a little bit of breeze thrown in for good measure. It should brighten up later. Maximum temperature of 18°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s still working on his music festival idea. He’s watched Wayne’s World 2 twice for inspiration but has still yet to make any firm plans. The only thing he is certain of is that fact that he will need lots of mud to make it competitive with Glastonbury.

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Weather: Wednesday 19th June

Moist for some first thing in the morning but any showers will move away by lunchtime, leaving mostly sunny spells across Wales. There will be some isolated showers – just to cover my arse. Maximum temperature of 18°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s been looking at new ways to make money over the summer so he’s come up with an idea for some kind of music festival. He’s made a list of musicians and bands he wants to play and he’s currently on the toilet thinking up a name for it. He may be there a while.

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Weather: Tuesday 18th June

Bright and sunny spells for Wales but there will be some grumbly showers lingering around to piss on your parade. Some of these will be heavy down in the southeast. Maximum temperature of 19°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s thinking of throwing his hat into the ring for becoming the new Conservative leader. He’s always fancied being PM. He says his first job will be to limit the price of Space Raiders to no more than 50p.

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Weather: Monday 17th June

Mostly fine in the far northwest and down in the southeast with some sunny spells. In between, you’re going to get a cloudier day with outbreaks of rain. What a pisser, eh? Maximum temperature 20°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey’s still trying to dry some washing that she did three weeks ago. She’s been putting it on the line to dry and every time she does, it pisses down. Farmer Honey’s offered to buy her a tumble drier if she gives him some lovings but she’s holding out for drier weather for now.

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Weather: Tuesday 16th April

A miserably grey day with outbreaks of rain across Wales. More persistent in the east and northeast but turning showery in the south-west. A maximum temperature of 13°C.

Down on the farm, we’ve been thinking up new ways to bring money into the farm. Farmer Honey is thinking of turning it into a theme park but Mrs Honey can’t see how charging £30 a person to be pushed around the farm in his wheelbarrow is going to bring in the punters.

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Weather: Monday 15th April

Dry but windy for most in Wales with big blobs of sunny spells dotted around. The southwest will see some outbreaks of rain which will spread to most parts of the country by nightfall. A maximum temperature of 12°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey celebrated Palm Sunday by riding a donkey into Brecon to buy loaves and fishes. They had no choice as their Austin Allegro finally packed in and it was either the donkey or walking it.

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Weather Wednesday 20th February

Cloudy and windy up north with spits and spots of rain hanging around like a bad fart. Dry for the majority of other people with some bright spells and feeling more springlike. Maximum temperature 11°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey has been giving advice to her friend Ethel who has a job interview at the local bakers. Mrs Honey told Ethel to think of imagining the interviewers naked, as this would help with her nerves. Ethel had to leave the interview after two minutes after vomiting all over her interviewers.