UK votes for 5 more years of shithousery

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The UK has voted for five more years of shithousery in a historical election.

Boris Johnson has officially been given carte blanche to do whatever the frig he wants.

A spokesman for Downing Street told WalesOnCraic:

“Now that we’ve secured the mandate, we can do whatever we want with the country. The first thing we’ll do is have a big party. I’ve got a mate who can get a shitload of coke to us and we’ll also be looking to get some naked ladies in. After that, we might take a few weeks off to go to some sex parties. We like all that kind of stuff. Who knows what we’ll do after that. Just let people run riot I think. That’s always a good laugh.”

The Conservatives gained a majority with Jeremy Corbyn saying that he won’t be leading Labour to another election. Jo Swinson will also be starting a new career in Tesco where she will start a new job as a sales assistant.