Tories to bring back fox-hunting, bear-baiting and gladiatorial combat with lions if they win election

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The Tories are planning on bringing back fox-hunting, bear-baiting and hand-to-hand gladiatorial combat with lions should they win the General Election.

The pledges have been laid out in their party manifesto, which they think they launched a few days ago.

Welsh Conservative spokesman Tarquin Smyth-Peacock told WalesOnCraic:

“Should one win the election, one would like to hope that these wonderful pastimes can be reintroduced to this great nation. Since we had the hunting ban, foxes have taken over our countryside to the point where one now can’t drive our Land Rovers down the blasted road without seeing one. This is a disgrace. One would like to see these devil animals torn limb from limb for our very enjoyment. As for bears – well, they love bear-baiting in Pakistan and if they’re allowed to do it, so should we.”

But campaigners have told WalesOnCraic that the party pledges are a pile of shit.

“Ok, so they’ve turned the economy round; they’ve brought unemployment down and they’ve guaranteed us sunny weather for the school holidays. But I’m not having this. I’d rather vote Liberal – and that’s saying something.”