Tories announce 50,000 nurses to replace the 500,000 they cut

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The Conservative Party has announced that it’s to provide 50,000 nurses to replace the 500,000 it cut during austerity.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson also announced that everyone living in Wales will get a free copy of Twin Town, should they win the election.

Johnson told party members:

“We’ll get Brexit done. It’s oven-ready and ready to go. Piffle, poffle, wiffle, waffle. We’ll also bring in 50 thousand nurses to make us look not as bad as we did when we cut those jobs. Piffle, poffle, wiffle, waffle. I love women. Sorry. Did I just say that? Piffle, poffle, wiffle, waffle. And so on and so forth.”

A member of the Cabinet said:

“We are committed to providing 50,000 more nurses – and they’ll all look like Barbara Windsor did in Carry On Doctor.”