The Great British Brexit Compromise

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    brexshit

    WalesOnCraic’s Political Editor, Jacob Whatsisname has managed to obtain highly confidential documents he found in a pub in Manchester, that PM Boris Johnson visited last night with an unknown young lady. She was unknown to him, as well, but she was seen leaving the Conference Hotel this morning, at 5am.

    The documents are marked “Strictly Confidential, For BJ and DC’s eyes only”. DC being Dominic Cummings. Or could it be David Cameron?

    It seems that after 3 years and 4 months, Boris has come up with what he will call “The Great British Compromise”, so everyone will get what they want and can claim a victory.

    Every adult in the UK will have to register on-line as a Remainer or a Leaver by 31st October 2019.

    So Leavers can claim they have left the EU as Boris promised by 31st October and look forward to losing their jobs, housing, food shortages, inflation, WTO tariffs on all goods, 15 litres of petrol a week and a blue passport. Remainers will continue to enjoy the benefits of remaining in the EU, including no roaming charges, access to supermarkets overflowing with food from all over the world including the EU.

    Whilst Remainers will bask on beaches with clean seawater and blue flags, Leavers will have their own designated beaches near sewage outlets.

    Remainers will enjoy good health and access to doctors and nurses from the EU and beyond, whilst Leavers will rely on retired doctors and nurses aged over 80, who will be brought back to look after the ill and dying.

    Boris was approached for comment by our Political Editor and he said:

    “B b b b b b b tittifilarious pfeffle where did you get these b b b b documents from. Now you have them, I am determined to bring in the Great British Brexit Compromise so that all Brits get the result they want. If a Leaver wishes to become a Remainer, they will have to pay £10,000 for the administration costs involved. Any Remainer wishing to receive the benefits of Leaving won’t have to pay a penny. I told you I’d find a solution that killed off Theresa May as PM.”

    WalesOnCraic approached Jacob Rees-Mogg for his views and he said that he will become a Remainer and pay the £10,000. I can afford it. You’d have to be a bloody idiot to be a Leaver after 31st October.

    WalesOnCraic approached Jeremy Corbyn for a comment. Will he Remain or Leave? We hung up after 15 minutes of him explaining the Labour policy.

    So on 31st October, under Boris, the UK will Leave the EU and it will also stay in the EU. If you do not register your choice by midnight 31st October, it will be assumed that you have chosen to Remain.