Teenage football clubs to provide extra swearing and spitting tuition

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Teenage football clubs across Wales are to introduce extra swearing and spitting classes to ready them for the world of professional football.

It is hoped that more practised swearers and spitters can go on to make millions from kicking a ball around.

Ken LoudMouth, manager of Abercwmoverbyere, told WalesOnCraic:

“I had a kid who was released from Cardiff City because he couldn’t spit far enough. We need to equip our youngsters with all the tools and skills they need to compete at the highest level so we’re going to be bringing in some former Premier League players to show our boys how to swear like a trooper and spit like a tramp. We are hoping that once they’ve mastered these skills, that they can go on to learn how to hassle referees and master the art of diving and rolling around on the floor clutching their shin pad. I’d like to thank the Welsh Assembly Government for the £500,000 we’ve received to put these classes into place.”

One teenage footballer said:

“Obviously we came out here today and obviously gave it 100% and obviously, all credit to the boys who came out here today and gave it 100%…etc.”