Army called in to quell ‘last pumpkin in the store’ riot

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The Army was called to a supermarket in North Cardiff last night after a riot broke out over a pumpkin.

Seventy-two people were injured after they all fought over the last pumpkin in the store.

Colonel ShineyShoes told WalesOnCraic:

“It was carnage when we go there. Apparently, there was only one pumpkin left and one young woman went to pick it up by was smashed in the face with a swede by another shopper who also wanted the pumpkin. The young woman dropped the pumpkin to the floor and then all hell broke loose as everyone fought for it. Trollies were being thrown, large phallic vegetables were being used as weapons and even Marmite was looted from the store. I sent my boys in, who gave them all a good kicking and we restored order within about 10 minutes. We even managed to nick the last pumpkin and bring it back to barracks where it is now on display.”

Ambulances were called to the scene and some people were sent home after receiving treatment.

One eyewitness said:

“I only popped in for milk but when I saw that it was the last pumpkin, I did my best to get it. Unfortunately, I got thumped in the face by a marrow and that was that.”