September 1st heralds start of Christmas

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With Summer now just a dim, distant memory, retailers are turning their attentions to the next big date in the diary – Christmas.

Bikinis and thongs have been cleared off the shelves in some supermarkets to make way for Christmas decorations.

Ken Clunge, CEO of some supermarket chain that we can’t be arsed to make up, told WalesOnCraic:

“Christmas is our biggest date on the calendar and to be honest, this Summer’s been a bit of a shitshow so we’re glad that it’s now out of the way. I got all my lads to clear the shelves of bikinis and I’ve instructed them to fill the shelves with as much Christmas shit as they can. We’ve got all the shit we couldn’t shift last year, ready to go out on display. We’re going to sell the shit out of this if it’s the last thing we do.”

Christmas music has already been playing in some stores.

“We’ve got a good run-up to it this year so we’re hoping to make loads of money so that I can retire to an island in the Caribbean with the porn model I’ve been dating.”

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