New designated car parking spaces to be built for ‘cashpoint cripples’

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New car parking spaces are to build for lazy shits who park their cars on double yellow lines to access cash machines.

The new spaces will allow so-called ‘cashpoint cripples’ to park and get money out of the machines legally.

A Council spokesman told WalesOnCraic:

“It’s a case of ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ in this instance. We’ve tried all kinds of things to stop people parking on double yellow lines, including picking them off with an air rifle and twatting them over the head with a milk bottle. It seems that people will continue to park their cars in the way of everyone else just so that they can get a tenner out so we’ve invested £40bn in these new car parking spaces. It will make it easier for the lazy shits to get to the cashpoint, plus we won’t have people phoning us up and moaning that other people are breaking the law.”

Local contractors BigBelly and ArseCrack have been commissioned to create the car parking spaces.

A spokesman for them told WalesOnCraic:

“What? Yeah. Sure. No problems butt. Tidy.”