Incoming missile alert at Chippy Lane was ‘just a flying kebab’

An incoming missile alert that was triggered at Cardiff’s Chippy Lane last night has been put down to a flying kebab.

Security services traced the launch of the kebab to just outside Dorothy’s, resulting in panic among pissheads seeking food.

A spokeswoman for the security services told WalesOnCraic:

“At 1.08am this morning, our radar picked up an inbound missile heading towards Ladbrokes in Caroline Street. We immediately wrote out a text that we were going to send to everyone in the path of the inbound missile. Sadly, our texting person couldn’t get a handle on the predictive text and before we could even send it, we were alerted to the fact that an airborne kebab had landed on two female pissheads. The two ladies were treated for shock and chilli sauce burns and were escorted from the crime scene to a nearby pub. We would like to thank the general public for their patience at this time, and we apologise for the dickhead we hired who couldn’t even write out a text. We will learn from this and be prepared next time in case North Korea does decide to wipe out Chippy Lane, which we all know is the centre of the Western world.”

An eyewitness said:

“We were oblivious to the incoming missile alert until this bird got hit in the face with a kebab. It was a terrible waste as it had only had one bite taken out of it. The emergency services were on the scene within hours and we were all very relieved to know that we weren’t going to get hit with a nuclear missile.”

The two ladies that were hit with the kebab are currently recovering at home with some paracetamol.

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