England v Germany to go straight to penalties

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The forthcoming match between England and Germany is set to go straight to penalties.

UEFA has decided to do away with the traditional full-time and extra-time bollocks and to decide the match with a straight penalty shoot-out.

A spokesman for UEFA said:

“Every time these two meet, we have to spend at least 2 hours watching drivel. We have decided that it’s in everyone’s best interests to do away with this, and to cut straight to the important bit at the end. The game will be decided on penalties so that we don’t have to sit through all that bollocks.”

England take on Germany at Wembley on Tuesday, having topped their group.

One English fan told WalesOnCraic:

“Ingerlund, Ingerlund, Ingerlund!”

NASA have also said that they think they may have located Chris Waddle’s penalty miss, when it left earth in 1990.