£90bn crackdown on parking wankers announced

The Welsh Government has announced a £90bn package to crack down on parking wankers.

The money will be spent on hiring people to punch them in the face, and to take photos of their shit parking to post on Facebook.

A spokesman for the Government said:

“We’ve had enough of these irresponsible people. Those white lines have been put down for a reason and if these parking wankers can’t park their cars between these lines, they deserve everything they get. We’re hiring an army of people who will stand around car parks up and down the country. They will continuously monitor them in case someone decides to park like an arsehole. If they spot someone parking like an arsehole, we are giving them the authority to punch them in the face hard. They will also take a photo of their shit parking and post the picture to Facebook. We are hoping that by the end of 2020, parking wankers will have become a thing of the past.”

One parking wanker remained defiant though.

“I can parks where I wants. No one is going to stop me parking across those white lines. Rules are there to be broken and if they want to punch me in the face, they’ll have to catch me out pretty quick because I park where I wants and then runs off.”

Image: Rob Glover

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