90% family members want a divorce from each other

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A record number of family members have filed for divorce in the last two weeks.

The strain of having to live with in-house cockwombles has been too much for some, and solicitors have been receiving a record number of divorce filings.

Frank Effoff, of ShupUp & Effoff Solicitors, told WalesOnCraic:

“We’ve been inundated with requests for family members who want to divorce each other. We’ve had mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters and even family pets wanting to divorce. We are living in unprecedented times and we’re doing all we can to process these divorces so that we can cash in on this pandemic.”

Gilly Wibblybits, who has filed for divorce from her three children said:

“I never knew my kids were such knobheads. I thought I’d done a good job in bringing them up until I had to live with them around the clock. I’ve filed for divorce so that I don’t have to spend another minute with the little shits. If that doesn’t come through quick enough, I’ll be selling them on Ebay for a fiver each.”

At present, there is no end in sight to the quarantine rules laid out by the Government.