Welsh Nationalists ‘Ready To Torch Jihadist Welsh Holiday Caravans’

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Welsh nationalists are ‘armed and ready’ to firebomb jihadist holiday homes and caravans in Wales, according to one nationalist group.

Blodwyn ap Blodwyn, leader of the Welsh Nationalist Independent Friends of Wales Association, announced that they would be joining the UK fight against international terrorism by posting burning newspapers through the holiday homes of jihadist fighters in Wales.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“Unlike the Scottish, who want to fart around such issues, us Welsh are ready to join the UK in fighting these terrorists. Our intelligence tells us that one jihadi fighter owns a caravan down near Lampeter so when David [Cameron] gives us the nod, we’ll jump in our Austin Allegro and head down there. Ianto has got a fresh turd in plastic bag, which he’ll set fire to on the fighter’s doorstep. Then he’ll ring the doorbell and we’ll watch from some bushes to see if he comes out and tries to stamp on it. If that fails, we’ll then set fire to some newspapers and push them through the door. These brutes have to realise who they are coming up against.”

But local residents said that there are no known jihadists near Lampeter. One resident who lives at Rose Cottage, Blaenwern, Lampeter SA48 7IJ, but who didn’t want to be named, told WalesOnCraic:

“Blodwyn’s talking out of his arsehole. The only foreigner we have living around here is a Jersey cow called Gladys. As for virgins in these parts – well, I think we can safely say that is one thing you won’t find. Fancy a cabbage? I’ve got loads here.”