Scientists declare Chippy Lane as the exact centre of the known Universe

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Scientists at a top university have declared Chippy Lane as the exact centre of the known universe.

They calculated that the edge of the universe can be measured for 3 billion miles in all directions from just outside Tony’s Fish & Chip Bar.

Prof. Frank Boffin told WalesOnCraic:

“We’ve spent years collecting this information and we are happy to announce that the exact centre of the universe is right here in Wales. For many people, especially those who are smashed off their tits on a Saturday night, it’ll be comforting to know that they can travel 3 billion miles in any direction – as long as the new Cardiff Bus night service is running. We are going to celebrate the fact that Chippy Lane is the centre of the universe by putting up some kind of shitty plaque that some pissed-as-a-fart reveller will spew all over.”

Shop owner Timmy Flabberwabber said:

“Aw that’s nice to know innit? Maybe I’ll order some T-shirts and cash in like the people of Barry Island did with Gavin and Stacey…Gavin and Stacey…how can you not remember that hilarious Welsh comedy?…oooo, about ten years ago now. That woman was in it – the one from Stella…Stella…it’s on Sky..oh don’t bother.”