Proposed smacking ban in Wales could hit massage parlours hard

News that new powers in the Wales Bill, due to be approved by the House of Lords on Tuesday 10th January could see the Assembly given powers to ban smacking, has been met with horror by Madame Zsa Zsa Owen who runs the upmarket massage parlour ‘Spankers’, in Swansea.

Madame Zsa Zsa (real name Tracey Bazzookas) has run Spankers above the Donkey Sanctuary Charity Shop in Swansea for over 15 years. Wales’ Children’s Commissioner, Dr Sally Holland has said that smacking has no place in modern society.

Madame Zsa Zsa said:

“I am concerned as Welsh Labour has promised to seek cross-party support to end the defence of reasonable punishment. Spankers is an upmarket massage parlour and offers other services to punters. Swansea men seem to have a penchant for smacking and spanking are top of the list of many of our punters. I have already been asked by some of our regulars how this will affect the offering of this service. If it is banned, I fear we could be forced out of business. I have even been investigating the possibility of relocating to just over the Severn Bridge, near Bristol. I have located premises.”

Swansea punter, Rhys Flabbybutt asked for anonymity as his wife didn’t know he attended Spankers. We are happy to ensure Rhys’ name remains anonymous. Rhys said:

“It started from my public school. I would often get a smacking from Matron and my form mistress. At first it hurt, but before I knew it, I started to like it and I would break the rules on a regular basis, just to ensure I got a good smacking. And this developed into my spanking fixation as I got into the 6th form.”

An Assembly spokesman who wishes to remain anonymous said he had been approached by many Conservative AMs and MPs as they had fond memories of being smacked and it developed into the healthy spanking fixation.

“We are going to have to ensure that any legislation differentiates between smacking a child and consensual smacking or spanking fun for a consenting adult. If we don’t, there’s going to be a lot of pent up frustration and God only knows what will happen then.”

The Welsh BDSM & Sadomasochists Society has said that they are setting up a petition on the Assembly website and they will whip their members to ensure they support the petition, ensuring adults are not affected by any smacking ban.

A spokesperson for the Welsh Children’s Commissioner said:

“The Commissioner is aware of the sensitivity of this issue and they will try to ensure that smacking and spanking of consenting adults is not affected by the ban, that could be in place across Wales by mid-2019.”

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