Millennium Stadium To Tilt Pitch 45° This Saturday So Ireland Play Uphill For The Entire Game

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Staff at the Millennium Stadium are to tilt the pitch up to 45° this Saturday so that the visiting Irish team have to play uphill for the entire match.

Staff discovered the secret button while cleaning the newly-installed pitch last week. Head groundsman Gordon Mainwaring told WalesOnCraic:

“We had our reservations about this new pitch but when the contractors installed the pitch last year, they added a tilt feature so that they could clean underneath the it. They’ve obviously forgotten to uninstall the feature so we’re going to be using it our advantage. If the Irish start moaning about the roof like the English did, they can carry on. We’ll be tilting the pitch up against them for the first half and then the other way after half time.”

Fans have welcomed the move, especially since Ireland will be arriving with their talks up. Bryn Thundergut said:

“Oh aye there butt innit?”

Equally, Irish fans have been outraged to hear the news. Brendon O’Flaherty O’Mc’Flaherty said:

“Tis an outrage to be sure to be sure, so it is.”