President hopeful Donald Trump is to open a new School of Charm and Seduction in Tonyrefail.
The zillionaire adonis hopes to teach Welsh lads how to bed beautiful women, no matter how close they’ve fallen to the Ugly Tree.
A spokesman told WalesOnCraic:
“It’s easy to pull a bird – you go up to them and stick your tongue down their throat. It doesn’t matter where they are or what they’re doing – if you’ve got a shitload of money, they’ll let you do anything you want to them. You can put your arse in their face, dry hump them or even dry teabag them – you can literally do anything you want if you’re Donald Trump.”
Students will learn the techniques of seduction from the master himself. The curriculum will include modules such as ‘Doing Your Hair Nice’, ‘Buying Your Way Into A Woman’s Knickers’ and ‘Having Small Hands Isn’t That Much of a Problem’.
Courses start at just £5k per person per day when the school opens next year.