Calls are being made to install Welsh referee Nigel Owens as the new Speaker of the House of Commons.
Owens’ take-no-shit approach would be well suited to bringing squabbling politicians to order, say supporters.
A spokesman for the Get-Our-Nigel-In-To-Sort-This-Shit-Out-Coalition told WalesOnCraic:
“Nige is the ideal candidate. He’s handsome, he’s authoritative and he’ll sort out those unruly MPs out in a matter of minutes. He’s not the sort to just stand there, shouting ‘Order’ and hoping that they’ll all listen. Oh no. Not Nige. Before they even start debating, he’ll call them all around in a huddle and lay down the Law Of Nigel. If anyone steps out of line, he’ll be there, stopping proceedings, taking them to one side and explaining to them in no uncertain terms that he’s not having it. He’s been doing it for years and if he can handle 30 burly rugby players all at once, he can definitely handle a group of scabby politicians.”
A spokeswoman for Parliament said:
“We have received a letter from supporters asking Mr Owens to be installed as Speaker. At the moment, we’re all down the pub wondering what to do next so once our heads have cleared, we’ll have a look at it.”
Image: Florian Christoph