There’s a gym in Cardiff that has over 4,000 members. It makes £3 million a year and it’s open from 6am-10pm every day. Yet it has no fitness equipment in it whatsoever.
“Because no fucker comes in here.” said manager Jimmy Tightbuns.
“We opened back in 2002. At first, we had loads of people coming here. Then after a week or so, we never saw them again. We’re still getting their direct debits so we’re making a lot of money. But we’ve not had anyone step in here for over ten years now. We thought we’d sell off all our fitness equipment and fuck off on holiday. No one has noticed.”
Tightbuns doesn’t even bother turning up for work at the gym.
“I’ve set up my own business elsewhere. I make bespoke toilet roll holders now. I aim for the older market because where they present their toilet paper is a big deal to them. As for the gym, I’m happy for it to continue making £3 million a year from people who don’t come. We’ve not had any complaints about there being no equipment because no one has been in. If anyone does come in by some kind of fluke, they can get fit by doing some roly-polys or star jumps or something.”