Postman Pat shitting himself after Fireman Sam axed for ‘being a man’

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Cheery TV celebrity Postman Pat has told WalesOnCraic that he is shitting himself after hearing that his good friend Fireman Sam has been axed.

The Welsh firefighter has been axed from TV for having a cock in his pants (his own cock obvs).

Postman Pat told WalesOnCraic:

“I’ve seen this sort of thing before. I feel so bad for Sam because he’s spent years putting out fires in Pontypandy. I don’t know what the town are going to do without him and his expert knowledge. My worry is that they’ll come after me next. And all because we got cocks in our pants. We can’t help that obviously. I can’t pretend that I’m gender-neutral because I’m a man. It’s even in my first name! What am I going to call myself? Postperson Pat? It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it I’m afraid. And what about Mrs Goggins? What will she be called? And Ted Glenn? And Jess the cat? Can we even call her a cat any more?”

Fireman Sam has reportedly been handing out CVs in shops in Pontypandy.

“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong,” he said. “I’ve just been helping people all my life and then someone comes along and takes my job away from me just like that.”