Fluency in Business Bullshit to be rolled out through new tri-lingualism policy

Wales’s First Minister has announced that the Welsh Public Sector will be tri-lingual by 2030.

In addition to English and faux-Welsh, speaking fluent Business Bullshit is to be a requirement for those working in Wales’s public sector.

Llinos Ponce-Llullo, Senior Civil Servant at the Department for Languages and Bollocks, fluent business bullshit speaker and agent for change, told WalesOnCraic:

“We’ve already picked the low hanging fruit off this challenge and are now poised to take a deep dive to roll-out this key initiative. The energy at the Focus Groups has been inspiring. I felt humbled by the way the groups unpicked the problem; the brainstorming, the blue-sky thinking, the thinking outside of the box, and the heartfelt commitment to our core values was profound. They really punched the puppy. There was palpable honesty in the rooms.”

Pressed for the costs of this programme, Ms Ponce-Llullo confirmed:

“Our business case indicates a 50%ile probability of delivering the programme within the indicative financial parameters. Schools will be required to have at least 25% of lessons delivered using Business Bullshit by 2025. Finance Department has been given the heads up and we’re most definitely singing from the same hymn sheet. It’s firmly on their radar and we’ve planned to touch base again off-line. We’re peeling the onion together.

“Just to be clear on the tangible and non-tangible benefits of this policy, we can cross-reference the £35billion we’ve invested in the Welsh Language policy, which has definitely been a value-added investment. Only a mere 50% of first language Welsh speakers are still confused by the Dysgwyr Cymraeg, mostly those from Llanrwst.”

Les Seventiestash, City and County of Swansea Councillor was unimpressed. A visibly angry Les said:

“It’s disgusting. We now have to recruit ANOTHER Executive Director for Language and Bollocks! There was nothing wrong with the way we spoke at Council Chambers back when I was a young councillor. We called a spade a spade and women could take a joke. The bum-patting was all innocent fun, but apparently that’s now in conflict with our Values and Vision.”

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