Vegans demand name change for beef tomatoes

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A group of vegans in Cardiff has demanded that beef tomatoes change their names as it’s putting them off their salads.

The group said that the tomatoes were selling themselves as something that they’re not.

Vegan Claire Cucumber said:

“We’ve seen it with vegan sausages and vegan cheeses but we’ve got a beef with these tomatoes. Did you see what I did just there? I said that we had a beef with these tomatoes. Honestly, I should be on the stage. I’m so funny. I knew I’d be a comedian when I was born. My dad said ‘Is this a joke?’. Maybe I should do some stand-up. You know, like Peter Kay. I could talk about all the funny things that have happened to me over the years, like the time I fell over a wheelbarrow in my garden. I had mud all over me. It was hilarious. If someone had recorded it, I definitely would have sent it into Beadle to make £500. Then I could have put it towards my petition to stop beef tomatoes being called beef tomatoes.”

Tomato-growers in the UK have reacted with indifference to the group.

“I’ll call my tomatoes whatever I want,” said Timmy Tomato (not his real name obvs).