Scientists discover that excessive masturbation causes snoring

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Scientists at a Welsh university have proven that excessive masturbation causes snoring.

Boffins spent 8 hours masturbating in a lab and were found snoring a few hours later by cleaning staff.

University boss Ian Cleverdick told WalesOnCraic:

“We decided to look into this as my wife’s an avid snorer. Sometimes I have to put the cat on her face to stop her snoring and I always wondered if it was down to the amount of masturbation she undertakes while I’m away at conference. A few of us decided to see if the two were linked so we locked ourselves in Dai’s lab with a few magazines and a VHS copy of Basic Instinct. We thumped away for 8 hours, so much so, that I could no longer feel my love trumpet. We all had a few beers afterwards and then fell asleep. Our cleaner Jenny found us and took a video of us all snoring. We have therefore concluded that excessive masturbation causes snoring.”

One snorer who lives in Tredegar said:

“I bash the bishop every day and I snore like a trooper but that’s ok because I’m single. My dog must be at it too because it’s his snoring that keeps me awake at night. Dirty dog.”