Posted on

Totally Shit Weather On Way To Wales

Hi Weatherchums. Derek the Weathesheep here.

I’ve got a weather warning for you – that’s if you live in lovely Wales of course. There are some weather fronts moving into the country that are going to bring high winds and rain.

Here’s what the big boss man down at the Weather Centre says:

“An unseasonably windy spell is likely across many parts of the UK later on Monday, overnight and well into Tuesday, as active frontal systems sweep across the UK. An initial swathe of southerly gales accompanied by heavy rain will move east across many parts later on Monday, giving gusts of 40-50 mph widely but 60-70 mph across exposed Irish Sea and perhaps some English Channel coasts. Winds will become west or southwesterly on Tuesday, with further gusts to 40-50 mph more locally, before gradually easing later. Large waves will affect some coasts in the west and south at times.

Given the unseasonable nature of the winds, the public should be aware of the potential for disruption to transport and outdoor activities. Damage to some trees seems likely”

Please watch out for flying wheelie bins, stay safe and cwtch up tight.

Derek xxx

Posted on

Enjoying the sunshine? Good. Because it’s going to piss down tomorrow.

Afternoon, Weatherchums. Yes, sadly there’s a shitload of rain on the way. The rest of today will be nice enough but rain will move into Wales during the night.

Thursday’s looking a right pisser at the moment. Prolonged bouts of heavy ran is forecast, along with strong winds and feelings of glumness and misery.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey has kindly been down to Kwik Save and stocked up tea, milk and biscuits. I’ve also just taken a delivery of my new Bergerac DVD box set. Remember him? Good old John Nettles, bless his cotton socks.

Anyway, remember to take a brolly to work and don’t go leaving out any washing on the line.

Take care.
Derek the Weathersheep

Posted on

Weather Warning Wales: Wheelie Bins At Risk of Being Blown Over

wheelie mbin map

Morning. Derek the Weathersheep here.

There is currently a weather warning out for Wales. This is what the big boss man at the Met Office has to say:

“Southwesterly winds will gust to over 50 mph at times in parts of southern England and south Wales, and to 60 mph in some exposed coastal sites. The public should be aware that these gusts may cause minor damage to trees, and make travel tricky for the likes of towing vehicles.”

There is also a high risk of wheelie bins being blown over. Please move them to a safe area.

I’m getting blown all over the farm. It’s also quite windy here.

Take care weatherchums.
Derek

Get Derek’s best-selling Fifteen Grades of Hay trilogy here

Posted on

Thinking of Having a Barbeque This Weekend? Don’t Bother – It’s Going To Piss Down

If you’re planning on having a lovely, sunny barbeque this weekend, you may as well stick it up your arse as showers and windy weather move into Wales.

Welsh celebrity weather forecaster, Derek the Weathersheep told WalesOnCraic:

“There’ll be a fine to start Friday but as the day goes on, the weather will deteriorate with showers reaching most parts of Wales by the time Coronation Street is on. Saturday will see more rain and showers although there will be the odd sunny spell to remind us what things could have been like. It will feel much colder by Sunday with plenty of rain showers around. All in all, a bit of a pisser really.”

Derek intends to spend most of the weekend in the barn with his girls.

He said:

“I’ve got Dolly and Brenda to keep me warm. There’s nothing better than waking up on a weekend morning and not knowing who to do first. That’s why I love my life.”

Derek’s infamous and best-selling Fifteen Grades of Hay Trilogy is available here.

Posted on

43% Chance Of Your Wheelie Bin Being Blown Over: Shitload of Rain and Wind On Way To Wales

Tie your wheelie bins down – Wales is set for a wet and windy weekend.

Leading Welsh weather forecaster, Derek the Weathersheep, is advising that washing is not left out on washing lines and that all wheelies bins are moved to a place where they will not be blown over.

“There’s a shitload of rain and wind on its way – Saturday will see a band of rain will sweep across all parts during the morning, clearing by midday, but a few showers will follow during the afternoon. Very windy throughout with gales possible with a 43% chance of your wheelie bin being blown over. A maximum temperature of 13°C.” he said.

Sunday won’t fare much better.

“It’s a very unsettled look for Sunday. In fact, it’s probably best that you just shut yourself away with some movies, some biscuits and lashings of hot tea. Either that or have a weekend-long bang fest. I know which one I’m going for – I’ve got Dolly and Brenda coming round to the barn later to play my pink oboe.”

Posted on

Summer Officially Over As Rain Forecast For Wales for Sunday

Yes chums, you can pack away the barbeque and sun-loungers – summer will officially end tomorrow as a band of rain sweeps into Wales.

The last two days has seen the best of this year’s summer, with temperatures topping the mid teens. One man in Abertillery even went as far as to get his hammock out from his shed.

However, patchy rain will slide in to Wales during Sunday morning, clearing to leave a rather dull and boring day.

Hope you enjoyed the summer.

Derek the Weathersheep x

Posted on

Get Your Washing In! Wet And Windy Weather On Its Way To Wales

Hello Weatherchums. The weather in Wales has been pretty dull over the last few weeks but we’ve got some right proper shit weather on the way – you may want to get your washing in.

Today:

Boring and cloudy at first, with outbreaks of rain gradually easing during the morning. Some brighter spells are also possible for a time. But don’t be fooled – a shitload of heavy rain will spread in from the west later. Winds will also strengthen with coastal gales developing. Maximum Temperature 11 °C.

Tonight:

Very windy with gales for many, locally severe across exposed coasts and hills. Rain moving east, heavy at times. Clearer, colder, showery conditions spreading in from the northwest later. Minimum Temperature 4 °C.

Sunday:

Very windy with gales likely across exposed coasts and hills at times. Sunshine and blustery showers, locally heavy and increasingly wintry. Some longer spells of rain are also possible. Maximum Temperature 10 °C.

What a crock of shit eh? Best stock up and settle in for the weekend.

Derek xx

Posted on

Strong Gales Forecast For Wales Tonight: 73% Chance Of Wheelie Bins Being Blown Over

The Met Office have issued a yellow warning for strong gales across Wales tonight.

It means that if you’ve got your wheelie bin out on the street, there’s a fair chance that it may get blown over.

Here’s what the main man at the Met Office has to say:

“Gales or severe gales are expected to develop across much of England and Wales for a time tonight. Inland gusts may locally exceed 60 mph close to the squally cold front, whilst gusts of 60 to 70 mph seem likely at coastal sites in the south and west, as well as across hills. Gusts may exceed 75 mph in the more exposed coastal locations. The public should be aware of the risk of disruption to transport and possibly power supplies.

The previous warning covering much of the UK has been split; this warning for southern Britain is restricted to the overnight period, with the risk receding eastwards by morning.

Another deep Atlantic low pressure system will approach northern Britain tonight and into Thursday. Across most of southern Britain, the strongest winds are expected from late evening through the nighttime period, particularly on and just ahead of a squally cold front, which will move east with time. As this continues eastwards, so the strongest of the winds should ease later.

As well as the very strong winds, a band of squally rain is likely to sweep eastwards across many parts through the period.”

Derek’s Advice

Stay in and get pissed.

Posted on

Wheelie Bins Blown Over In Cardiff As Winds Batter Wales

Several wheelie bins have been blown over in Cardiff as strong winds continue to batter Wales.

Reports from North Wales also indicate that some garden chairs have also been blown over, bringing chaos and misery to Welsh residents.

Barry Belch from Birchgrove in Cardiff told WalesOnCraic:

“I had to put them out the night before last because it was bin day yesterday. Of course, once they’ve been emptied by the bin men, they’re a law unto themselves and if the wind gets catch of them, then we’re all in big trouble. My bin went down but we’re a strong family and we’re staying strong for each other.”

Glenda Sparklytits from Splott said:

“It was awful. I was lying in bed last night having a shag when all of a sudden, there was this huge clatter from outside the house. While my husband was going hell for leather, all I could worry about was whether my black bins had tumbled out on to the pavement.”

Strong winds look set to feature across Wales this weekend. Residents have been warned to put their wheelie bins in places that are unlikely to see it being blown over.

Posted on

Cameron: Wales and Scotland To Get Their Own Weathers

David Cameron has announced that Wales and Scotland are to get their own weathers, following his recent promise in the wake of the Scottish referendum.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“The recent referendum has highlighted the need for change in the United Kingdom. And I plan to deliver real promise which is why I have instructed my cabinet to begin making plans to give Scotland and Wales their own weather. We cannot keep sharing our English weather with these two proud nations. Each nation has its own requirements and I plan to deliver on that promise.”

But Scottish First Minister criticised the plans, saying that they were ‘a load of hairy bollocks’.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“The plans are a load of hairy bollocks.”

But Welsh First Minister Derek Brockway welcomed the idea. He said:

“Alex Salmond has always been a whingeing little arse. He’ll never become happy unless he becomes King of Scotland. Macbeth was the same and he came a cropper. We welcome new weather to Wales. Hopefully we can have less rain and more sun and that way, we can welcome billions of people here to look at our mountains and stuff.”