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Weather Sunday 27th January

A cold day for most with sunny spells dotted around. There will be some wintry showers lingering around, mostly up on them hills. It will be windy and it’ll feel cold in that wind. Maximum temperature 6°C.

Down on the farm, it’s been getting pretty cold in the barn. One of the doors is very leaky so Farmer Honey has got a man in to fix it. Farmer Honey said he’d do it but he’s been saying that for the last 3 years.

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Weather Warning: Saturday 26th January

A cloudy start for most with moistness and drizzle hanging around like a bad fart. The afternoon will see some heavy rain and strong winds rumbling in, bringing with it gales to coasts and hills. A pretty rough day for some. Maximum temperature 11°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey has decided that she wants a new kitchen. She wants an AGA cooker, granite worktops and a posh bin that opens itself when you tell it to. Farmer Honey’s not so sure so he’s bought her a new draining board drainer to try and keep her happy for a few months. It’s a plastic one from Kwik Save and has room for several plates, a few cups and a special part for spoons. She’s thrilled.

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Weather Thursday 24th January

Any rain in the east will dry up but moistness will persist in the west. There will be a few sunny spells throughout the day but cloud will bubble up later on. Maximum temperature 8°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s boxset of It Ain’t Half Hot Mum arrived this afternoon so we all snuggled down to watch it in the barn. Before we all went to bed, there were lots of shouts of ‘lovely boy’ and ‘Oh well. There we are then. Never mind.’

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Weather Wednesday 23rd January

Be careful not to slip on your arse first thing in the morning as it’ll be very frosty and icy. The good thing is that it will be sunny at least and will remain like this for most of the day apart from in the west where there is the chance of a shower. Feeling nipply. Maximum temperature of 6°C.

Down on the farm, Mrs Honey has made an official complaint about Farmer Giles who lives on the farm next door. It seems his cows have been mooing a bit too loudly lately and it’s putting Mrs Honey off her daytime TV. She’s written to the local MP and asked them to go round to Farmer Giles’s farm and tell the cows to shut the eff up. She’s awaiting a reply.

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Weather Friday 18th January

A cold, nipply start for most but rain will spread slowly eastwards across the country which will turn to snow on higher ground. Sunshine will follow behind although there will be a few isolated showers over in the west. Maximum temperature 7°C.

Down on the farm, we had a cold night last night. Temperatures dropped on the farm, so we call cwtched up in the barn. Sadly, Dai Llama thought it would be a good opportunity for a grope so he was there getting a trottersful of futtocks. He was chucked out later in the night.

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Weather Warning: Thursday 17th January – icy as f*ck

A frosty start to the day with icy patches all over the shop. Wintry showers will continue in the west but for the rest of us, it’ll be a shiny, sunny but cold day. Maximum temperature 6°C.

Down on the farm, we’ve all cwtched up in the barn and getting an early night. The cold weather does have its benefits – we can put our cans of Skol outside the door instead of having to go all the way to the fridge and we can hang our donkey jackets on Dolly’s cold chapel pegs.

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Weather Wednesday 16th January

Much moistness to start the day with a band of heavy, pissy rain moving across the country to start with. As it moves away, colder and brighter weather will move in behind it. A few showers can bubble up later, possibly as wintry showers up on the hills. Maximum temperature 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey were delighted with the Wales team selection for this year’s Six Nations. They’ve already written to John Inverdale to ask if he can mention the Wales games during his commentary this year. They’re not expecting a reply.

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Weather Tuesday 15th January

Another dreary day with grey clouds and drizzle set to continue throughout the day. There will be outbreaks of some sunny spells, especially over in the east. Maximum temperature 10°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer and Mrs Honey are preparing for the expected cold weather by stocking up on tea, milk and biscuits. They’ve also decided that they’ll be keeping each other warm in bed by cwtching up but Mrs Honey has warned Farmer Honey that this doesn’t mean he can go sneaking a grope or trying anything funny. She has a frying pan ready next to the bed to twat him with should he get above his station.