Painters and decorators across Wales are to receive free whistling lessons.
The happy-go-lucky workmen will be taught how to whistle actual tunes, as opposed to the annoying tuneless shit they currently whistle.
Painter Benny Paintbrush told WalesOnCraic:
“When I works, I likes to whistle but because I’m working, I can only focus on that so I can’t really hold a tunes. What I does is just makes a whistling sound that has no melody to it at all. What this means in real terms is that I’m whistling any old shit that comes into my head.
“Many of my customers have told me that they’d like to twat me across the head with my long-reach paint brush because it annoys them too much. I very much welcomes the Welsh government’s initiative to provide us painters and decorators with whistling lessons because it means I’ll be able to whistle actual tunes, thus avoiding me being twatted across the head with my long-reach paint brush.”
Government official, Derek Squareglasses, told WalesOnCraic:
“As a government, we like to put these things at the top of our agenda because we all know how annoying it is when painters and decorators whistle non-melodic shit. We hope that these new lessons will provide them with the tools they need (pun intended) to whistle actual tunes, and to make the world a better place.”
The free lessons start this November.
