Trump announces plan to 'take back the Menai Strait'
The tangerine shitgibbon said that the Strait is important to US interests
In what aides are calling ‘a very big, very beautiful foreign policy announcement,’ President Donald Trump declared yesterday that the United States intends to assert ‘total and complete dominance’ over the Menai Strait.
Speaking from the Oval Office, Trump told reporters:
“People don’t know this, but the Menai Strait, and I’ve spoken to a lot of people about this, very smart people, it’s very strategic. Very, very strategic. More strategic, frankly, than the Strait of Hormuz. Nobody’s talking about it. I’m the only one talking about it.”
When a reporter pointed out that the Menai Strait is roughly half a mile wide, handles no oil tankers, and is most frequently used by kayakers and the Britannia Bridge railway service, Trump waved a tiny orange hand dismissively.
“That’s fake news. We have intelligence, tremendous intelligence, that suggests the Welsh are moving things through there. Big things. Could be very dangerous things. Could be sheep, the likes of which we’ve never seen before.”
In a late-night post on Truth Social, Trump elaborated:
“The Strait of Hormuz is very important, everyone knows this, I know this better than anyone. But the Menai Strait? NOBODY is watching the Menai Strait. Iran knows it. China knows it. Gwynedd County Council knows it. Disgraceful!!!”
Welsh First leader Gwilym ap Gwilym responded with a statement that read, in its entirety: “We have a suspension bridge. We’re good.”
The Pentagon confirmed it had conducted no threat assessment of the Menai Strait but added that it would ‘look into it’ if asked. The USS Gerald R. Ford carrier group is currently in the Mediterranean and is, according to defence officials, ‘not going anywhere near Bangor.’
A spokesperson for the Anglesey Sea Zoo declined to comment because they were too busy shovelling elephant shit.
