Woman finds Theresa May’s knickers in his bowl of Weetabix

A woman has found a pair of knickers belonging to Theresa May in her bowl of Weetabix.

It is believed that the knickers became dislodged as Mrs May ran through fields of wheat back in 1974.

Paula LargeArse, who found the knickers told WalesOnCraic:

“I had to have Weetabix because my greedy bastard of a husband had eaten all the cornflakes. I don’t normally have Weetabix because they make me constipated but on this particular day, I had to because there were no cornflakes in the house. I took one mouthful and all of a sudden, found it all very chewy. I spat it out, only to find that it was a pair of dirty kegs. I pulled these knickers out, took a good look and noticed that there was a label inside that said ‘These kecks belong to Theresa Brazier’. I Googled the shit out of it, only to find that that was Theresa May’s maiden name. I put two and two together and realised that it must have been the day she was very naughty and ran through the fields.”

A spokesman for Downing Street refused to comment on the matter.

“We are refusing the comment on the matter,” said a spokesman for Downing Street.