Welsh police given new powers to ‘beat holy shit’ out of drivers who use mobile phones


Welsh police are to be given powers to ‘beat the holy shit’ out of drivers who are caught using their mobile phones.

The announcement comes as an increasing number of drivers are looking to complete new levels of Candy Crush Saga while travelling at 70mph.

Chief of Police (Mobile Phone Division) PC Plod told WalesOnCraic:

“People who use their mobile phones while driving are complete arseholes. We look forward to using our new powers to beat the shit out of anyone caught, or even thinking of, using a mobile phone while driving.”

But critics have pointed out that the new powers may be abused.

Darren Dickhead told WalesOnCraic:

“I always use my phone while I’m driving my BMW. I’ve never crashed the car although I have knocked a few people over but that was their fault for walking on the pavement. I’m just worried that the police will abuse these powers and beat the shit out of me for trafficking my drugs.”

The new powers will be implemented from December.

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