Parents all over Wales are planning on holding wild naked house parties tonight to celebrate the fact that their kids are going back to school tomorrow.
Police forces throughout the country have been put on standby to deal with the carnage of deliriously happy parents.
“I CANNOT wait,” said Kim Grumblegrots from Treorchy, “My kid’s been a right little shit these last few weeks. I’ve been ticking the days off my Cliff Richard calendar one by one and the day is nearly here! Once I’ve dropped him off at the school gates, I’m going to take off all my clothes and run naked through the village to celebrate.”
Mother-of-four, Lorraine Turbo-Tits added:
“I’ve managed to get through the six weeks via a Class A drugs and heavy sedation. Once the kids have gone back, it’ll be like taking a dump after being constipated for six weeks. It’s been hell.”
But for some parents, the joy has been tempered by news that the kids’ first day back is an Inset Day.
“Those bloody teachers – they just have to cram one more lie-in in, don’t they? After all that time they’ve had off over the summer, swanning off to Mexico and that! They’ve got another week off coming up in about six or seven weeks! It’s a disgrace.”
But one teacher hit back, saying “Go fock yourself. I’ve got to look after your shit of a kid for 40 weeks of the year.”