Weather: Saturday 20th July

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A few showers up north where no-one lives and becoming drier and sunnier across the rest of the country during the afternoon. A nice warm day. The sort of warm you get when you piss in a swimming pool. Maximum temperature 23°C.

Down on the farm, Farmer Honey’s decided to stand as a local councillor. He’s going to base his campaign around people eating more farm produce – essentially bits of dead animal and a few of their fatty secretions. His first party logo is ‘We’ll sell you stuff you never thought you’d eat’.