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United Airlines handing out free knuckle sandwiches on flights

American airline United Airlines are handing out free knuckle sandwiches on their flights.

The airline is now also offering a carry-on luggage and carry-off passenger service as part of their customer service experience.

A spokesman said:

“We thought Pepsi were having a bad time and felt that we should help them out a little bit. We are now offering free knuckle sandwiches to specially chosen passengers. Could be anybody in particular but it’s usually someone we don’t like the look of. We like to drag our passengers all over the world. Some people boards as doctors and leave as patients. Our new customer service team will welcome you aboard and then beat the shit out of you for, just for having paid for a one of our tickets. Free knuckle sandwiches will be rolled out across our fleet over the next few weeks.”

One passenger said:

“I was very happy with my United Airlines flight. I paid over the odds for my seat and got a lovely fist in the face for my troubles. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get home soon.”

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