UK wakes up to new national clusterfuck

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The UK has woken up to a new national clusterfuck after Theresa May’s attempt to consolidate power went spectacularly tits up.

The outcome follows the second call for a national vote that didn’t need to happen within a year.

A spokesman for Downing Street said:

“We’ve totally bollocksed this up we have. Alright, our majority as it was, was tight. But it was a majority. Theresa had better start looking in the Jobs section of the Echo later today – apparently Tesco are looking for some overnight shelf stackers so she may want to look into that. Just less of the ‘strong and stable’ catchphrases and we think she might be in with a chance.”

An early exit poll suggested that there could be a hung parliament and this was borne out overnight.

Voter Gerry LardArse told WalesOnCraic:

“Looks like the kids came out for this one. I think that they were worried about the price of Freddos if we were going to be doing a hard Brexit. Whatever your politics, please please please make sure you head out and vote in six weeks time.”

David Dimbleby meanwhile had told reporters that he’s going to get shit-faced when he finally gets home.