UK breathes collective sigh of relief as cooler weather marks end of flip flop season

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The UK has breathed a collective sigh of relief after cooler weather heralded the end of Flip Flip Season.

Since March, many selfish arseholes with no consideration for the emotional welfare of others, have been parading around showing off their gnarled yellow toenails. But the recent drop in temperatures has meant that normal, acceptable footwear has now become the norm.

Shopper Dilwyn DingeBat told WalesOnCraic:

“I can see now why some species of animal migrate over the summer. It’s been horrific this year – everywhere I’ve looked, there have been horrendous feet clinging on to these awful flip flops. The noise too – that annoyed little ft, ft sound they make every time they take a few steps. The bloody things should have been banned along with smoking.”

But flip flip fan Tracy ToeJam said:

“My feet should be allowed to see the sun every summer. Alright, they make look like a bag of chips but I’m sure most people would rather see my feet than my arse.”

Dilwyn Dingbat added:

“I’d rather see her arse than her feet.”