Twickenham groundsmen create oval pitch to stop England kicking to the corner in last 5 minutes

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Groundsmen at Twickenham have created an oval pitch for Saturday’s game against Wales to stop their team kicking to the corner in the last five minutes of the game.

The new pitch is oval in shape, similar to that of of an Aussie Rules pitch.

Head groundsman Tarquin Smythe-Peacock told WalesOnCraic:

“We’re not having these pesky Welsh chaps coming over here and beating us at HQ. After the last pile of tripe at the World Cup, we’re making sure that there’s none of this kicking to the corner malarkey. Hopefully, it will allow our chaps the chance to kick on to victory. Now where did I put that cucumber sandwich, old boy?”

The move comes after last year’s England v Wales match, where England were losing against Wales (again) in the last five minutes and had a chance to draw had they kicked to the posts.

Welsh fan Dai ‘Hard’ Jones said:

“I’ve got myself a massive fuckoff daffodil to wear on my head and I can’t wait to see Wales triumph once again.”