Tim Peake says: F*ck this sh*t – I’m going back to space

British astronaut Tim Peake has stunned the world by telling everyone that he is going back to space.

He said he was going back there because he had to get away from the same orange and grey faces on telly, plus Piers Morgan.

He told waiting press:

“Every morning since I’ve been back on this wretched earth, I turn the telly on to see the same old faces. Some are orange, some are grey and some are Piers Morgan. It’s not really what life is about is it? I’ve been strapped to the top of a rocket, flown out into space and seen some of the most beautiful things anyone can ever see. And then I come back to a bowl of Cornflakes, some narcissist in the US playing God, our PM dithering like a dick, and Piers Morgan being that annoying school kid who thought he’d get attention by saying things that only an arsehole would say. I know which I’d prefer. I’ve asked the European Space Agency to get me back up there on the next ride available. F*ck this sh*t – I’m going back to space.”

The European Space Agency said:

“We’ve had an urgent request from our colleague Tim Peake and we will look to oblige as soon as we can.”

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