Tightarse husband dumps wife for 48 hours to save £5.99 on shitty Valentines flowers

A tightarse Pontypridd man has dumped his wife of 14 years for 24 hours to save buying a shitty bunch of flowers for Valentine’s Day.

Marcus NobHead dumps his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day every year to avoid having to buy commercially romantic bollocks.

He told WalesOnCraic:

“I can’t face the fact that I feel that I have to buy my missis flowers just because someone decided that it’s Valentine’s Day. I woke up this morning and left a note for her on her pillow saying that I’d dumped her and went to work. I’ll probably stay over my Mam’s tonight, just to make it look authentic and then I’ll pop around tomorrow and make up. That way I won’t have to go down the garage to buy her a bunch of shitty flowers. It also means that I can avoid the stress of getting her a shitty Valentine’s Day card. When I goes back tomorrow, Valentine’s Day will be gone so I won’t have to buy her anything.”

His wife, Mandy DroopyDrawers said:

“He does the same every year. What he doesn’t know is that while he’s away for 24 hours, I get Terry the Plumber over here to give me a good tromboning. He spends all day banging me and by the time he’s finished with me, I’m done for another year. By the time Marcus gets back, I’m walking like John Wayne but I’d rather that than a bunch of shitty flowers.”

Marcus has so far saved over £80 in flowers that he hasn’t bought.

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