Theresa May starts new job in Sports Direct

Former Prime Minister Theresa May has started a new career at Sports Direct.

The former PM is understood to be in training for a Sales Assistant post at her local store.

A spokesman told WalesOnCraic:

“Theresa has been pining for a job that she doesn’t have to take home and this position at her local Sports Direct is perfect. All she has to do is scan in a few pairs of daps every day and fuck off home afterwards. It’ll be a million miles from the stress of trying to run a country. She’s currently being till-trained and hopefully she’ll be in the shop floor by the end of next week. We’ve heard that she’s making everyone laugh in training, recalling adventures of heated debates and running through fields of wheat in just her kecks.”

Her new bosses have been told today that their positions are under threat after their full-year results were delayed.

“It’d be ironic for her to go through all that training to find out that there’s no position here for her when she’s finished,” said the spokesman.