Theresa May plans to get ‘totally shit-faced’ on June 7th


Outgoing Prime Minister Theresa May has told the public that she intends to get totally shit-faced when she steps down from her role.

May said that she wants to get ‘shit-faced in her local Spoons’ and plans on having a kebab afterwards.

She told waiting crowds:

“For three years, I have tried to keep you all happy. Every single one of you. But do you know what? You’re all a bunch of arseholes. This thing was never going to work and if I happen to catch Cameron in the next few days, I’m going to wring his neck. I thought I’d enjoy the role of Prime Minister but it’s been absolute bollocks. I therefore tender my resignation. I will step down from my role on June 7th, on which day, I will head to my nearest Spoons, sit in the corner, and get totally shit-faced. I don’t want to see anyone or speak to anyone. You’ll have Boris as your next Prime Minister and to be honest, I couldn’t give a shit. You’ve brought this all upon yourselves. So screw you.”

May took over the role of Prime Minister after David Cameron fucked off to France with some pigs.

One of May’s last duties will be to welcome the Tangerine Gobshite from the US in early June.

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