Theresa May to cull all kittens and puppies to save £3m a year

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Theresa May has announced that she is going to save £3m a year by culling all kittens and puppies.

She is also considering further cuts by banning Christmas and jailing Father Christmas.

A spokesman for Mrs May said:

“Mrs May is seeking to keep up her ‘tough lady’ approach to the UK. After announcing that she would stop free school meals, Mrs May has announced that all fluffy kittens and puppies will be culled. We’ll put them all in a big blender and make some kind of soup that the Cabinet can feast on when they reconvene. Mrs May is pushing her right-wing agenda harder than ever – she is currently considering banning Christmas and throwing Santa into jail. She also wants to physical tell each child that they are worthless and that there is no point in anything. She feels very strongly about this.”

Meanwhile, Labour is offering voters a free holiday to Benidorm should they vote Labour. These will be funded by the Trade Unions.

That fella from the Lib Dems also said something too but no one was listening.